It took about 2 months

...for me to figure out how to log into blogger. This is sad. I'm not worthy.

It's a long story, and it involves lots of cocaine and cheap whiskey and a lobotomy, electroshock therapy, a whore, a fat man in a halter top... and a crack smoking midget.

In other words, it's pretty boring, so I'll spare the details. But you can see how I got distracted.

But I'm here and it feels good.

But my ass itches so I think it's time to take a shower. I'm really going to start classing down this blog.

Who's the Line Leader Bitch?

First off, check out the book I read to the kids today. I need to holla at C. Monster to get a hold of cookie flavored Jim Hats. Anyway...according to the state of Illinois, I have Basic Skills. These are the skills Big Brother aka Mr. Government says you must possess in order to educate the youth in this state. My basic skills consist of procrastinating, verbally clowning adolescents, reeking of alcohol (students tell me "You smell like daddy") and having the quickest clockout hand in all schools east of the Mississippi. In short, I teach. 5th grade. Actually, I am 50% teacher, 50% Gunnery Sgt. Hartmen (for all you Kubrick fans out there). One of the great perks of being a teacher is half days. Especially in this state. We get days such as...Pulaski Day, Lincoln's B-day, Rod Blagojevich Hair Day, Daddy's Home From Mistress/Jail Day, Richard M. Daley 'Basically' I'm Drunk Day, and a wide assortment of other days off. Today was a half day...you know one of those "Teacher Professional Development Days" when slightly to grossly overweight teachers get together, shove fried food, doughnuts, and coffee down their gullets and trade stories about the kids in their class who in the future will wind up in a correctional facility, working at a Chicagoland tow yard, or cooking crank in an abandon farmhouse somewhere south of Terre Haute, IN. Yeah, one of those days. Awesome.
At the end of the day, while waiting to dismiss the kids in the hall, I hear a youngster in the back of the line YELL..."You ain't the line leader BITCH!" As the entire class (in unison) is going "OOOOOOHHHHH," I'm holding back laughter and saying to myself, damn! Dude just got punked like a lil bitch. But just as I want to laugh and incite violence between children, my Basic Skills take over. As I'm walking over to the two gentlemen who by the way, are in an argument over who gets to walk out 3.5 feet before the other one, Student A decides to take Student B's head and push it directly into a wall. Wow. Nice prison move, straight for the throat, quick, possibly deadly. I like it. Especially from an 11 year old. At this point, basic skills have absolutely no worth whatsoever. The only thing i could do is react...so...I grab Student A by the back pack, pick him up off his feet and toss him aside, all while saying, "poor choice young man, very poor choice." After I got them separated, I had a discussion/clowning session with the 2 gents about the 'special relationship' the boys must have because they just love putting their hands on each other. This makes 5th graders angry. Gay is NOT cool in 5th grade. In the end, they both got in school suspension for 1 day. Just another day at the ol' office. Can't wait to go back tomorrie.

we're not getting over it

www.motherjones.com/bush_war_timeline/index.html

we should all be revolting.

I'm a Lollapaloozer

So I need to document this because my fleeting memory is..well, fleeting. The three days of lollapalooza in Chicago was quite the collection of quality music. I'm still reeling from the rocking. Here's who I saw:

Friday
eels
Stars
Ryan Adams
Lady Sovereign
My Morning Jacket (the greatest rock n roll band on the planet)
Sleater-Kinney

Saturday
The Go! Team
Wolfmother
Gnarls Barkley
The Flaming Lips
The New Pornographers
Kanye West

Sunday
Andrew Bird
The Shins
Wilco
Broken Social Scene
Red Hot Chili Peppers

Dang.

cover art v1.0

Schrizza - how do we get this into the header?

things otherJason has done this month to get laid

Learn to play guitar

Switch to boxer briefs

Date Tara Reid'’s long lost cousin

Trimmed and/or shaved traditionally hairy body parts

Pretended to love a Pomeranian, cats

Feigned an interest in celebrities/celebrity relationships/celebrity weight loss

Bought Teen Wolf t-shirt

Returned Teen Wolf t-shirt

Claimed friendship with Vince Vaughn

Started a blog

The Face of Education

This is our friend Ryan. He goes by the moniker, Sweet Eggz, aka Senor Juevos. He is responsible for the youth of America. God help us.

middleCoast misSion statEment

and so this is a journal. an online journal, but a journal nevertheless. in the hopes of becoming journalists, we publish a journal. not like some lame journal either. no! this will be the best journal ever. this journal will contain the guts, the fluid, the juice of youth. breathing, burning, churning, bubbling youth. can you feel it? it burns, doesn't it? you can't take tums for this shit. you gotta work harder than that. you have to release it. you have to let the fire breath or else the smoke is going to choke you. so open the flue and let it flow. left and right. east and west. but from the middle. always from the middle. deep inside the diaphragm. from within to without. me to you. us to them. let us begin.