Monday, October 08, 2007

Naming the Band (A How-To Guide)

While there are truly some fresh and creative band names out there, some of you struggle mightily with the all-important task of naming your band (we're looking in your general direction, Puddle of Mudd / Mudhoney). No worries, though, as we at middleCoast are here to help. Just follow one or more of these simple guidelines and you'll be opening for Mudhoney in no time.

Rule #1. "Definite Article + Plural Noun"

See: The Beatles, The Kinks, The Strokes, The Shins, The Roots

How-To: This one's by far the easiest for all you stoner rockers out there too lazy to get creative. Simply look around the room, pick out an object, and make it plural. For example, some band names to be made from mC offfices: The Chairs, The Steps, The Speakers, The Mugs, The Mints. Get it?

1) Be sure to utilize Google to make sure other stoner rockers haven't already come up with your new band name.
2) Make sure you're in the right room before using this trick, as The Bongs, The Ashtrays, and The Shitstains do not make for high quality band names.

1) "Definite Article + Adjective + Plural Noun"
Taking Rule #1 to the next logical step so as to appear literate/less-stoned, add an adjective (that part of speech which describes a noun). Simple colors usually do the trick, as do any of the following words: Dirty, Flaming, or Heavy.
2) "Definite Article + Plural Noun-That-Doesn't-End-In-An-S"
See: The Who, The National, The Knife (for intermediate and advanced Rockers only).

Rule #2. "Flip & Point Method"

See: Pixies, Pretty Girls Make Graves, The Fall, Modest Mouse, Steely Dan

How To: Another relatively easy method for picking your band name is to simply open a book, flip to a random page, and blindly point to a spot on the page; then combine the combination of words already there into a tantalizing band name. Beat writers work especially well for this, as do religious works of fiction, such as The Bible.

Proof: We will now randomly flip through opening pages of our favorite pieces of literature to come up with 5 brilliant band names....
1) "Other Levels of Madness", from page 4 of On The Road
2) "Uniformed Dwarf", from page 6 of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
3) "The Korova Milkbar", from page 1 of A Clockwork Orange
4) "Blood Heat", from page 5 of A Brave New World
5) "The Accident Will", from page 2 of Slaughterhouse Five

Yes, it's just that simple.

Rule #3. "The Obscure-Pop-Culture-Reference"

See: At the Drive-In, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Futureheads, Fujiya & Miyagi, Radiohead

How To: Perhaps your band has a major influence, or at least an aspiration of an influence. Use this influence and steal obscure references at will. Similar to the Flip & Point Method, but here we assume that you have at least some passing interest in the piece of culture to which you're referring. It makes little difference, really, if the reference is to something high-brow (Radiohead is a reference to the Talking Heads song; BMRC a reference to the Marlon Brando biker gang in The Wild One) or to something low-brow (At the Drive-In take their name from the classic Poison song, Talk Dirty To Me; and yes - the Miyagi in Fujiya & Miyagi does in fact refer to the late great Pat Morita character). So think of your favorite band, song, or movie and pick out a really random portion of it that no one will catch until they're researching your backstory on Wikipedia for an overwrought blog posting.

So there you have it - if you can't come up with a killer band name now then you should just hang up the axe and go back to listening to your Puddle of Mudd CD. So good luck, and keep rawking.


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