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While I realize it's highly unlikely, I nevertheless feel an overwhelming sensation (on occasion) that my heart is simply going to explode inside of me. Perhaps this isn't a normal occurance, although I'm not ruling out the possibility that in the course of history it has never happened that someone's heart has simply exploded within them. I don't even know why someone would rule out that possibility. Now I'm not saying that it's probable that my heart will explode; I'm just saying that I have an irrational fear that my heart will simply explode as I walk down the street. I'll be walking down the street, most likely listening to some tragically hip band on my ipod, and I'll just collapse onto the sidewalk. Whether or not this will actually kill me, I haven't yet determined. At the very least, I'm sure to lose all control of my bodily functions and end up lying in a pool of vomit and urine and other unpleasantness.
You may still be saying, "My god, this guy is neurotic as Woody Allen". And I'm responding that I don't necessarily disagree with you on that. However, consider this: I'm not talking about my shoulder randomly exploding, or my foot, or even my head like in Scanners; I'm speaking specifically of an internal organ. Your appendix can explode, can it not? Aha, exactly! So why, my comrade-in-skepticism, would it be so difficult to imagine a fellow internal organ - specifically my heart - also exploding? Hmmm? How do you answer that, Mr Science Man?
Now for me personally, this fear only smacks me in the face while walking down the street (and sometimes while driving a car (and sometimes while trying to fall asleep at night in bed)), so it's not completely overwhelming, just partially. So that is good. For most fears you can overcome them by attacking it and learning from experience. Afraid of heights? Climb up a tall building. Afraid of spiders? Let one crawl on your hand. However, one can't simply experience their own heart exploding, as much as I've tried. So that leaves me in a difficult position, nevertheless. I'm not sure confrontation would cure me of this fear anyway, and adding my irrational fear of confrontation into the mix probably wouldn't help things either.
For what it's worth, this is not an irrational fear of having a heart attack that I am feeling - oh no. Heart attacks can be avoided by eating right and exercise. When the 400-pound diabetic with a penchant for chocolate truffle cheesecake keels over from a heart attack, one thinks, hmm, perhaps he shouldn't have had that seventh slice. One can't do anything to prevent one's heart simply exploding inside of them, though. It just happens. Heart attacks just happen, but usually they're not all that surprising. My fear of heart attacks is quite rational.
So I suppose I'll just have to embrace my fear. Hug it, and squeeze it, and love it, and call it George. Then again, George may take my heart in his fat paw and squish it like a grape. Thanks a lot, George.
I just have one thing to say to all you pitchfork-reading rock snobs. You think you're so fucking cool because you wrote in your blog all about how shitty Radiohead has become or how awful Beck's last album was or how disappointing At War with the Mystics is. Fuckin fuck off with your fuckin shit. Seriously. How are you gonna sit there and disrespect Radiohead when assholes like Kevin Federline are out there producing so-called music? Why are you so fucking myopic, you fucking rock snob? I mean really, that's like if your mom gave you a kickass 10-speed for Christmas, but then because she also gave you some lame-ass sweater now you don't like the sweater or the 10-speed. Fucking brat. Radiohead gave us one of the all-time greatest musical gifts in the history of the planet in the form of Kid A. And just because Hail to the Thief wasn't up to its impossible standard now Radiohead sucks? Seriously? That's the fucking logic? Fuck you. Radiohead is and always will be great BECAUSE of Kid A, not despite Kid A. After Kid A it doesn't fucking matter what else they do. They can fart in a can for 50 minutes and call it an album and it's still great. You know why? Because Kid A was THAT FUCKING GOOD. Have some damn respect.
What happened to being a fan of music? What's so wrong with just being a fan and enjoying music? Why do you have to be a critic? There are enough fucking critics out there and they're all assholes. So don't be a critic. There is nothing good about being a critic. Aren't you fucking cynical enough, you need to be critical too? Let me tell you about critics - professional critics, that is. Critics hate themselves. That's the only explanation for how they could hate everything else. So if you hate yourself, step right up and be the next critic. Otherwise, would you please shut the fuck up and listen to the music?
Music is so fucking good. Seriously. And I know there is a lot of horrendous shit out there, but good music is so fucking good. Have you heard My Morning Jacket perform Run Thru live on Okonokos? I mean, if that doesn't do anything for you then you're an asshole and you should punch yourself. Maybe I missed my time in the free lovin bullshit of the 60s, but doesn't anyone still enjoy the power of music? The sheer joy and passion that can come across in the art form? The fucking reason you started listening to music in the first place? If not, if you're too cool, too much of a hipster to remember how joyous music is, then I do feel sorry for you.
For what it's worth, I'm still an unashamed fan of music, specifically of these - the greatest bands on the planet currently making music (in no particular order) - and I only list a few because perhaps if you've forgotten how to enjoy music, listening to them will help:
My Morning Jacket
Wilco
The Flaming Lips
The Roots
TV on the Radio
RadioheadIn the words of Jim James:
Why does my mind blow to bits every time they play that song?
It's just the way that he sings,
not the words that he says, or the band.
I'm in love with this soul, it's a meaning that I understand.-JasonToo
