Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Me and My Irrational Fears, Part I




While I realize it's highly unlikely, I nevertheless feel an overwhelming sensation (on occasion) that my heart is simply going to explode inside of me. Perhaps this isn't a normal occurance, although I'm not ruling out the possibility that in the course of history it has never happened that someone's heart has simply exploded within them. I don't even know why someone
would rule out that possibility. Now I'm not saying that it's probable that my heart will explode; I'm just saying that I have an irrational fear that my heart will simply explode as I walk down the street. I'll be walking down the street, most likely listening to some tragically hip band on my ipod, and I'll just collapse onto the sidewalk. Whether or not this will actually kill me, I haven't yet determined. At the very least, I'm sure to lose all control of my bodily functions and end up lying in a pool of vomit and urine and other unpleasantness.

You may still be saying, "My god, this guy is neurotic as Woody Allen". And I'm responding that I don't necessarily disagree with you on that. However, consider this: I'm not talking about my shoulder randomly exploding, or my foot, or even my head like in Scanners; I'm speaking specifically of an internal organ. Your appendix can explode, can it not? Aha, exactly! So why, my comrade-in-skepticism, would it be so difficult to imagine a fellow internal organ - specifically my heart - also exploding? Hmmm? How do you answer that, Mr Science Man?


Now for me personally, this fear only smacks me in the face while walking down the street (and sometimes while driving a car (and sometimes while trying to fall asleep at night in bed)), so it's not completely overwhelming, just partially. So that is good. For most fears you can overcome them by attacking it and learning from experience. Afraid of heights? Climb up a tall building. Afraid of spiders? Let one crawl on your hand. However, one can't simply experience their own heart exploding, as much as I've tried. So that leaves me in a difficult position, nevertheless. I'm not sure confrontation would cure me of this fear anyway, and adding my irrational fear of confrontation into the mix probably wouldn't help things either.

For what it's worth, this is not an irrational fear of having a heart attack that I am feeling - oh no. Heart attacks can be avoided by eating right and exercise. When the 400-pound diabetic with a penchant for chocolate truffle cheesecake keels over from a heart attack, one thinks, hmm, perhaps he shouldn't have had that seventh slice. One can't do anything to prevent one's heart simply exploding inside of them, though. It just happens. Heart attacks just happen, but usually they're not all that surprising. My fear of heart attacks is quite rational.

So I suppose I'll just have to embrace my fear. Hug it, and squeeze it, and love it, and call it George. Then again, George may take my heart in his fat paw and squish it like a grape. Thanks a lot, George.



1 comment:

OtherJason said...

I actually knew this dude named Steve, and his heart DID explode. We were at a bar with a group of people laughing and drinking, and next thing know Steve just fell down into a pool of his own blood and shit. It was gross, and stinky. It has however, made for a killer anecdote.