Soggy Boxers

I started off this week to find a load full of soggy laundry in the dryer. This is after running the dryer twice.

I had no clean boxers and I wasn't about to go to work boxer free.

I had to scramble to come up with a quick solution as I was running late and I was actually scheduled to be somewhere at like 8 in the morning.

I finally decided to bake my underwear. The only question was what was the right temperature? I wanted them evenly cooked through but not fried.

I went with 300 degrees. That seemed hot but not hot enough for them to go up in flames, which would have been cool as long as I'd gotten a picture or been able to tell a story about it (which would have been far superior to this story).

Anyway, I baked those cottony fuckers for 20 minutes at 250 degrees and they were STILL SOGGY.

I had to give up and put wet boxers on when it was fucking freezing out. I decided to bring an extra pair of pants so I could make an emergency change out in a gas station bath room if my entire crotch area visibly sogged up. That would have been very awkward to explain.

As it stands I arrive at work with a dry exterior but the boxers weren't completely dry until at least lunch.

The moral of the story is that global warming will not allow us the convenience of saving $1 on the clothes dryer... and also that when you bake your boxers you've got to go for at least 600 degrees and put that shit directly on the oven rack.