Thursday, November 02, 2006

Soggy Boxers

I started off this week to find a load full of soggy laundry in the dryer. This is after running the dryer twice.

I had no clean boxers and I wasn't about to go to work boxer free.

I had to scramble to come up with a quick solution as I was running late and I was actually scheduled to be somewhere at like 8 in the morning.

I finally decided to bake my underwear. The only question was what was the right temperature? I wanted them evenly cooked through but not fried.

I went with 300 degrees. That seemed hot but not hot enough for them to go up in flames, which would have been cool as long as I'd gotten a picture or been able to tell a story about it (which would have been far superior to this story).

Anyway, I baked those cottony fuckers for 20 minutes at 250 degrees and they were STILL SOGGY.

I had to give up and put wet boxers on when it was fucking freezing out. I decided to bring an extra pair of pants so I could make an emergency change out in a gas station bath room if my entire crotch area visibly sogged up. That would have been very awkward to explain.

As it stands I arrive at work with a dry exterior but the boxers weren't completely dry until at least lunch.

The moral of the story is that global warming will not allow us the convenience of saving $1 on the clothes dryer... and also that when you bake your boxers you've got to go for at least 600 degrees and put that shit directly on the oven rack.


OtherJason said...

You just gotta learn to go commando style. Or as Seinfeld would say "You mean there's just a thin layer of Gaberdine between you and me!" Also, i would recommend trying the microwave next time. For economy and for the environment.

JasonToo said...

i agree - the microwave would have been my first choice. or basketball shorts. i've worn basketball shorts as boxers before. i recommend purchasing 2 or 3 pairs of basketball shorts for emergencies.