Friday, December 15, 2006

Crazy Work Story

This is a blog I posted on myspace the other day. It occurred to me that this is the kind of story Schrowe would have ended up in, so I thought I'd post it here.

So last night I got drunk at work.

Wasted. Crunked.

My last install (where i go be a dork and set up credit card machines... which is actually more complicated than it sounds) of the day was at this total dive, and the kind of dive where everybody at the bar has their own stool and a bartender who's kind of like sam malone except punk rock and with boobs serves up all the booze.

So as soon as i get there, the bartender introduces herself. "hi, i'm sherri. i just broke up w/ my boyfriend, so you're going to do a shot with me."

it was an offer i couldn't refuse, except when i fast forwarded to my boss getting a complaint about me getting drunk on an install.

so i said let's raincheck until i'm done playing with electrical cords and then drink up.

so as soon as i get finished, she puts a shot in my face, and i'm much more receptive.

now, i'm supposed to train her, but she has so much shit going on that i can't really pin her down.

so as i'm waiting she pours some weird vodka drink w/ curdled bailey's that she'd made up. it was actually pretty good.

keep in mind i'm not paying for any of this.

she pours another, and another, and i think at least 2 more, and by that point i'm drunk. wasted. she's telling me about "tits off tuesday" where exhibitionists apparently start showing up around midnight and dropping trow and humping on the pool table. i imagine most of these people are 50 year old alcoholic dudes with liver spots all over their gorilla-esque bodies. i imagine that now, but then imagined a roomful of pornstars, in my drunken haze.

and i've somehow become both her "husband" and her barback AND i'm pouring drinks.

i don't know how this all happened, but there i was flipping drinks like cruise on cocktail. okay, not really like that. i actually had trouble pouring beers that weren't half foam. but anyway.

so after sanitizing the second load of dishes, my glasses totally fogged up in the steam, and it was like i finally wised up... and called my roommate and told him he had to come down immediately for free tits and free beer.

so for some reason i drove home wasted, and then we drove back (him behind the wheel).

we spent the next few hours drinking more free booze and chatting with the bartender who i think was using me to make her ex boyfriend jealous.

after my roommate got sloshed he convinced me to leave, i think concerned that i was going to try to hump sherri.

we went to wendys to grease out the ole plumbing for hangover protection.

it was the second time i ate wendy's yesterday by the way.


1 comment:

JasonToo said...

Best. Story. Ever.