I got this girl named Camry & she's a whore.

I drive a '95 Camry. Black. Just like this one + 200K miles. For a vehicle, she is the equivalent of a Japanese whore, but overall she is a whore that stills wakes up every morning and does the job.......so I guess I can't complain about the services.
Today after trudging through 10 in of snow the C-D.O.T. snow plows so kindly put half way up my door, I got into my Japanese pleasure-moto and started her up. NPR was on the radio and cool air was blowing out of the defrost. Brrrrrr...she was chilly but it felt good to be inside her. I could feel and hear her getting warmer.
I got out of my car to wipe the excess white/gray/brown snow off of the windows...ya know, clean her up a bit...make her look nice...real nice. As I was wiping off the windshield, something bizzare happened. Her windshield wipers started swaying back and forth, grinding across the ice covered windshield. I thought nothing of it, got in the car and attempted to switch the wiper knob to the stop position. I then noticed it was already in the stop position. Interesting. I restarted the car once, twice, three times...by this time she was HOT and ready to go....but still....the wipers kept swaying. Back and forth, back and forth. Well shit. Still gotta go to work. So I drove her.....all the way to school AND all the way back from school, wipers blazing. The friction of the blades on the dry windshield produces a sound similar to rubbing your face on glass. Just then, I realized.......I can't even get her wet. What? Why? Oh yeah, my wiper fluid doesn't work (there's a leak) so I can't even moisten her up to clean her off. Damn. I can't please the whore. Will she leave me? Why does she not work anymore? Did she catch a mechanical STD? Should i get her tested? I hope I don't have to. I hope she's better tomorow because I love Camry. I can't wait to enter her dark, warm insides tomorrow morning. Moist wipers or not.