Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I've got another one for the DSM-IV

This might be depressing.

I think I have a disorder that I have never heard of before. I have named this disorder “Loss of Shared Memories Syndrome” (LOSMS).When you lose your only sibling, you lose all of these memories that only you two knew about. It is a terrible feeling and I can’t think of anything worse. Jason was the only one who knew certain things about our family, and the only one I could talk to about certain things. LOSMS would be impossible to treat, however. No amount of medication could treat it. It would be like one of those scary personality disorders that takes years of psychotherapy to even be touched. And even then, the person is still gone.

Oh, I also have a rant I have been bottling up……

When people find out that my brother died, the non-timid ones will say “Do you mind if I ask how he passed?” I am really sick of the horrified expression on their faces when I tell them. For some reason their expressions really bother me. It IS horrifying, so why does that bother me so much? It’s confusing because I couldn’t even tell you how I would want them to react. It’s like there is this fucking universal expression for this situation, and I want to smack people that do it.

Some words of advice - if you are ever around anyone that lost someone very close to them, don’t say any of these things:
- He’s in a better place (where?!)
- At least he’s not in pain anymore (He wasn’t in pain, fucker!)
- It was his time (this is the WORST one. It was NOT his time)
- God wanted another angel (WHAT?!)
- There is a reason for everything (Ok, tell me the reason for this)

There are more but I’m done writing about that. Apparently I am still in the “angry phase”.

Speaking of the angry phase, that Kubler-Ross model of grief is crap. I remember learning it in Abnormal Pysch or some class and thinking ‘yes – that makes sense’. Whatever. It’s crap.

Sorry about my babbling, but I thought that the people who read this might want to hear my rant and learn about this new syndrome that I believe I have. I think this could be a real thing. Or maybe I’m just fucking depressed.

By the way, The Monster Squad will be coming out on DVD on July 24, 2007. Jason and I were obsessed with this movie.


JasonToo said...

You're right - that was depressing.

But thanks for educating me on the finer points of my new disease that I share with you. At least you know you're not alone...

Wolfman gots nards.

OtherJennifer said...

Sorry about the depressing stuff. It is thoroughly unhealthy and I need to stop it. Maybe they should up my dosage. Again.

Another Jason said...

depressing or not, It's horribly true. I cannot seem to grasp what happens to the memories. What good is a memory if you have no one to reminisce with. I guess we just share em with those that knew JKS and hope they grasp the point.